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Body Grief

Writer's picture: Melissa McCormickMelissa McCormick

Body grief refers to the emotional and physical distress that occurs when someone is mourning changes or losses related to their body. This can include not only how a body looks but also how it moves and functions. Body grief can be brought on by illness or injury, aging, postpartum changes, infertility, weight gain or loss, and other visible changes. 

The Grieving Process in Body Grief

Similar to the stages seen when we grieve the loss of someone, body grief also can come in stages that are not necessarily linear. 

  1. Denial: Changes can often feel shocking, even if we are aware that they come with age, pregnancy, or a diagnosis. Due to the shock, it may be difficult to accept the changes and the reality that the body may be changed indefinitely. 

  2. Anger: Oftentimes the experiences that lead to body grief do not feel “fair.” When things aren’t fair and feel out of control, anger is a common and normal response. While experiencing body grief, we may feel angry at our bodies, circumstances, or others. Other people are also the subject of our anger, such as doctors, or family members.

  3. Bargaining: Much like when we lose a loved one, a person may attempt to earn back their previous physical body or health by attempting to make deals or promises. This is a normal cognitive coping strategy but can leave us feeling even more out of control. 

  4. Depression: As the reality of the changes settle in, it’s normal for people to experience feelings of depression - sadness, loneliness, despair, and lack of hope for the future. 

  5. Acceptance: With time and effort, it is possible to find peace with the body’s changes. This will include processing through the other stages and present emotions in order to land in a spot where we are not just avoiding the pain. The only way through to acceptance is to process the losses and pain of the changes in our bodies and lives.


How do you know if you are experiencing body grief?

  • Emotional Disturbances: When we are struggling with change, it is normal to experience anxiety, depression, shame, anger or any other difficult emotion. It may feel like the emotional challenges are unrelenting, or that they come and go as your physical body ebbs and flows.  

  • Physical Tension: Grief of any kind can manifest in the body as fatigue or pain like physical tension and headaches. If our body grief is associated with an injury or an illness, we may notice that our emotions exacerbate our physical symptoms which can create a frustrating cycle. 

  • Body Dysmorphia: When our bodies feel out of control, we often can begin to fixate on what we want to change. This fixation can develop into body dysmorphia, and the fears related to how our bodies look can become overwhelming. 

  • Disconnection from our bodies: When we are grieving, our brains may shut off the connection to our bodies in an attempt to protect us from uncomfortable emotions or sensations. We know this is happening when we are unable to identify any physical sensations in our bodies. It is common to feel distant or disconnected from our bodies and feel numb when we try to connect to them. 


Healing from Body Grief Through Therapy:

Making peace with difficult aspects of our lives requires time and effort. Therapy can be a helpful place for emotional support and moving towards body acceptance. Specific body focused forms of therapy, like EMDR and somatic approaches, can focus on the mind-body connection. It is also crucial to identify and process through any traumatic experiences that are related to body changes. Accepting our bodies is no easy feat, but through emotional support, practicing self care, and regulating your nervous system, it is possible to grow to appreciate what your body is capable of. 


Resources

What is Somatic Experiencing (SE)

What is EMDR?

Book Recommendation: Reclaiming Body Trust


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